Sex is usually best when the people having it are communicating their needs, but of course that doesn’t always happen and that makes room for quite a lot of miscommunication.  She might be enjoying things, but here are some signs that you’re in a bit of a funk.

1. You’re in a Total Routine

It’s good to know what works for you and your partner in bed, but that doesn’t mean that you should get locked into a total routine and never try anything new. It might be efficient but you’re not robots, eventually it’ll start to seem a little dull or lacking in passion even though that’s not how you feel at all.

Sometimes people shy away from trying new stuff because they think too much about what’s happening, especially when you haven’t been with someone for very long. But don’t get caught up in worrying whether something is going to work or not, there aren’t rights or wrongs as long as both people are enjoying themselves. If you try something that she doesn’t like you can be certain that she will let you know so you can do something else, but it’s not like she’s going to reprimand you for it.

Some positions really are crazy and not super fun but you’ll never know which ones are until you try. You can always discuss trying new things to gauge her reaction if you don’t want to just surprise her with them. Sex should be natural and exploratory if you’re with someone that you like and trust. If you’re moved to enjoy someone’s body in a new way that’s all just a part of it. Don’t think too much that you limit your options.

2. She Doesn’t Seem to Be Enjoying it

Listen, some people are more expressive than others when it comes to moans and groans and all that, but there’s no way that someone is having a great time if it doesn’t seem like they’re enjoying themselves. Whether or not she’s screaming your name or not there’s a lot than happens physically that’s out of her control when things are going well. People’s breathing patterns change, she might hold onto you tighter, sweat, get the chills, mentally head to a different planet etc. If someone is just along for the ride and super present but doesn’t seem into it, they probably aren’t.

But what that means can be a lot of different things. Since many women tend to like emotional connection with their sex, her disinterest could stem from that. Maybe she doesn’t like you as much as it seemed, maybe she’s stressed out about something totally different, or maybe the physical stuff is just so far off that she doesn’t even think there’s anything that she can do to fix it. Generally when people really like each other there’s a physical passion involved whether or not the sex is technically perfect, so that’s something to pay attention to.

A good rule of thumb to keep in mind is that if you’re unsure whether she had an orgasm or not, then it’s most likely that she didn’t. It’s generally pretty obvious whether or not she’s trying to make it known.

3. She’s Enjoying it Too Much

On the flip side of a woman not making a peep is the times where she seems to be having a wild experience that doesn’t match with what’s going on. Sure she could be having a really exceptionally horny day and very slight touches are sending her edge, but you can tell when that’s real and she’s probably even mention it if that was the case.

If not much has happened but she being extremely loud in a suspicious way, you have a right to be suspicious. Don’t accuse her of the dramatics but maybe slow down and switch things up to see what happens. Sometimes women feel the pressure to make you feel good about making us feel good, and when it’s not expressed with or dealt with in the right way it can turn into something that’s just not authentic.

4. You’re Totally Skipping Foreplay

All women are different but most women enjoy some foreplay to get heated up, and this can start way before you actually get into the bedroom. Those random moments that you think about sex during the day are a great time to say that or send her a text  if you’re not with her. There’s something super hot about knowing that someone wants you and is thinking about you so don’t hold out on her.

Women tend to need to be warmed up mentally as well as physically, so don’t be shocked when you’re in the mood and she needs a minute. Spend some time being with intimately before the clothes come off. Kiss her with intention, touch her over her clothes, make it obvious that you’re super into her well in advance of taking her to the bedroom. It’s not very complicated but it works wonders, and if you’ve been skipping it consider drawing things out a bit and see what happens.

5. You’re Skipping Oral Sex

If you aren’t going down on her or you’re doing it as a brief warm up before the main event, think again. This goes along with the foreplay thing, but most women need some sort of clitoral stimulation to orgasm during sex, and oral sex is pretty much just clitoral stimulation. If you give her an orgasm before you even get to the actual sex then you can rest assured that she’s enjoying things as much as you are.  

6. You Haven’t Asked Her What She Likes

Don’t assume that just because your ex girlfriend liked things one way that your current lady will feel the same. It’s virtually impossible to know what she likes the best unless you’re obviously blowing her socks off from day one. It’s not a total shocker but the best way to find out what she really likes is just to ask her. This gets overlooked a lot, partly because people think they know what they’re doing, and party because they’re shy about asking and hearing what they’ve been missing.

If she’s shy about it for some reason don’t let that stop you from trying to figure it out anyway. You don’t have to sit down and make a checklist to follow but you can still try different things and see how she responds. If you can’t tell by how she reacts physically then you can always just ask as you go along. You can also try opening her up by telling her how much it turns you on to hear specific things that she likes. That way she won’t feel put on the spot in the moment to come up with something but will know that you’re hoping for some insights.  

7. She Won’t Stop Until She Has an Orgasm

It’s a noble concept to want to give your girl an orgasm every single time you do the deed, but it’s not always a reasonable one. Don’t get caught up in it to the point that you take it on as a reflection of how much she likes to be with you. That’s your ego, and it doesn’t belong in the bedroom. Of course you should care and do your best to make it happen, but in the occasion that it doesn’t you don’t want to put any added pressure on her. Physical pleasure for women is very mentally driven along with the physical, so if she’s stressed out at all or feels like you are it’s going to pull her right out of her body and make it really hard for her to relax enough to enjoy herself.

Most women don’t orgasm every time but most still really enjoy themselves even if it doesn’t happen. Instead of judging your own performance on her orgasm, spend more time getting to know her body and what makes her tick. Your attention to detail and ongoing interest in learning how to really please her is going to make things a lot pleasurable in the long run than obsessing over why it didn’t happen.

Kate Ferguson

Kate Ferguson is a Los Angeles local and freelance writer, who utilizes as much wit and personal anecdote as possible across a variety of genres. When she's not writing, the UC Davis graduate is focused on pursuits of the entertainment industry, spin class, and hot sauce. Keep up with her on her social media @KateFerg

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