A Female Perspective on How To Play Hard To Get

It’s no secret that playing hard to get has its merits, after all women seem to be drawn to the confident types even when they’re not the most available guys out there. But it’s that air of not being available that it sometimes the appealing element, because it’s the exact opposite of desperation. We like men that are appealing to other people as well as to us, because in demand people have desirable qualities. I don’t like to suggest that you should start playing games with women, but I do think there’s a middle ground where you can stand that comes off as a little hard to get…without being impossible.

You certainly don’t want to make it so hard for a woman to get ahold of you that she can’t, but you also don’t need to drop everything that you’re doing to rapid fire respond to her texts within .5 seconds. That makes it quite obvious that you’re not doing anything. (Or that you’re that jerk who’s doing something but it ignoring the live person to look down at your phone.) Don’t drag it out over hours to pretend that you’re busy when you aren’t, but respond at the same pace that you would to anyone else. Unless it’s an emergency or something, in which case hop to it, of course. Use your discretion.

That being said, you should be contacting her first when you feel like it. Just because you feel like it and you’re thinking about her. Even call her if you want. (Yeah with your voice!) But then wait for her to get back to you before you reach out again, and again, because if she’s into you she will certainly get back to you when she can. If you text her “hey how’s your day” and don’t hear from her, following up with a “did you get my text” is going to make you seem worried, and no confident guy will be that worried about it. Sometimes it’s totally natural to text her again like if you actually have a real reason to, but otherwise it’s safe to assume that she’s busy and that she’ll respond eventually.

Similarly, you don’t want to lie and say that you’re busy with plans some night that you aren’t, but you can set up your interactions so that she doesn’t even need to ask. People who are “hard to get” are generally busier people, or at least they act like they are. Instead of asking her to do something that week and leaving it up to her to pick a day from her busy schedule, just ask her out for Tuesday or whatever specific day you like. She might say that she’s busy Tuesday and suggest that Wednesday would be better, to which you can reply that oh yeah, that would work too. The fact that had a specific day in mind to start means that perhaps there was a reason why Monday or Thursday didn’t work, because you have a life. Even if you don’t.

Authenticity and honesty are always appreciated, but that does not mean that you need to rush putting all your cards on the table when it comes to expressing how you feel about people. Tell us that you like us if you like us by all means, but also honor the time it can take to ease into a relationship whether it’s going to be a casual or serious one. Don’t lie or pretend like you’re dating other people when you aren’t, but don’t act like she’s the first girl you’ve met and cling to the idea of her before you really even know her.  The sand in hand analogy works great for dating…the harder you try to hold onto a fistful of sand the faster the sand will pour out. It’s actually the relaxed, open hand that’s the most efficient about keeping it in one place.

That concept is easier said than done sometimes, but people are sensitive to those subtle behaviors and emotions that give away more intense feelings below the surface. Anything that you can do to be available without being suspiciously available will give people the space to get to know the you that exists outside of romantic relationships as well. They’re a big part of life, but they’re also just a part, so don’t lose site of the rest of you and your priorities when you’re inviting someone else in.

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