She’s Touching Me : Non-Verbal Cues that She’s Into You (Or Just Using You)

She’s Touching Me A Lot…But What Does It Mean?

Flirting involves a lot more than just throwing out flirty lines. Sometimes the non-verbal type of communication can be a lot more telling than what she’s actually saying to you. Here are some ways to know that she’s into you based on her body language…or that’s she only trying to make you think that she’s interested.

Physical contact that isn’t necessary.

Occasionally physical contact occurs naturally whether or not someone is romantically or sexually interested in a person. We brush up against people in crowded elevators all day without the intention of jumping them. Same goes for the occasional leg brush under a small table or something. But the cues that you should be paying attention to are the ones that are not necessary, where you can be certain that she went out of her way to do it whether she’s aware of that or not.

For example, touching your arm while she tells you a story is a pretty intimate move. Most women aren’t doing that to every guy that they’re talking to because if they did they might accidentally be sending the wrong message all over the place. If an uninterested work acquaintance saw a food smear on your cheek she’d probably laugh and try to point you in the right direction to wipe it off yourself. Someone who’s crushing might do it themselves.

Now, this one is generally a pretty well known one as far as letting people know that you’re interested, so it’s also a likely tactic used by the more manipulative people out there. If someone is trying to make you think that they like you when they don’t they too might try to throw in some arm grabs. Usually when we’re suspicious of someone’s authenticity it’s because we have a real reason to be, so always pay attention to your instincts. If it feels like a forced move it might be. Generally when people are doing this for real it’s done unconsciously so they might be as surprised by it as you are.

Prolonged eye contact.

You already know how weird it can be to make eye contact with certain people, let alone prolonged eye contact. So when people make intentional eye contact with you often and at length it’s a pretty good sign that you like you in some way. Otherwise the act would be uncomfortable and again, possibly send the wrong message.

It’s actually referred to as a “copulatory gaze” to make prolonged eye contact for two to three seconds at a time, meaning game on. People might manipulate their eye contact in the sense that they intentionally divert their eyes when someone they don’t like is trying to get all up in it, but most people don’t do the opposite and try to make eye contact to make someone think they’re interested. It’s too unnatural and you can usually tell that they’re staring or that something seems off.

If someone is looking into your eyes while you talk and seems natural as they do so, it’s a pretty safe bet that they’re really interested in you or at least what you’re saying to them. When there’s no speaking involved and someone is still making prologue direct eye contact with, that’s an even bigger signal. We only do that when we’re really interested because there’s no cover involved, just straight up staring because we like what we see.

The way that her body is facing.

People tend to their turn their bodies to face people that they like, and to turn them away from people that they don’t. If you approach a woman at a bar who’s interested in you she will most likely turn to face you, or at least turn so that her face is open to you. If she isn’t, she might cross her arms or legs, or subtly refuse to open her body up to you as a message that she isn’t interested or available.

People do this in day-to-day life all the time without noticing that they’re doing it, and it’s also a little less natural to fake so usually when people are turning towards you they mean it.  It would require an immense amount of self awareness for someone to be manipulating this behavior since we often have no clue how we’re acting in those situations.

Some people suggest looking at the way their feet are pointing to see how turned towards you they are. If you start people watching throughout the day you’ll notice this type of thing and why it makes it clear what’s happening in a conversation between two people even when you can’t hear what they’re saying.  

Similarly, if people are open and interested they will avoid putting stuff between the two of you if possible, and vice versa. For example she might be turned towards you just by nature of the setup that you’re in, but if she puts her purse over her lap or holds some papers close to her chest she’s either shy or saying back off, or possibly a little of both. If someone is not trying to keep you away from them they are more likely to shift the position of their purse so that it is not covering their body, or they’ll move a chair out of the way so that they can feel more comfortable talking to you.


In addition to the mannerisms and movements that we make, there are also nonverbal cues that our bodies due just as dilating pupils and blushing. You can control whether your pupils dilate when you look at someone that you like, and you also can’t control whether a slight flush comes over your face either. Blushing is a involuntary reaction, and it can occur for reasons other than being embarrassed. For one thing there are some stress reactions involved with being attracted to someone, and while it might be great stress the body will react in similar ways.

That might mean increasing the body temperature, which sends some pink to the cheeks. Some people think that the choice for women to wear blush as makeup on their face came from the concept that a flushed cheek looks interested. It also looks youthful since young people tend to have a healthy glow.  

People don’t have any control over those autonomic reactions so those are pretty telling ones. If you say hello to a woman and see a blush creep across her cheeks, she’s totally digging you. (And possibly slightly stressed out.)

Changes in voice.

Another autonomic reaction that people have with people that they’re attracted to is that their voices change. Research has found that both men and women tend to drop their voice a bit when they’re talking to someone that they like because it’s generally read as sexier and more available.

People also have the tendency to a little mimicking here and there. You might notice that when you like someone you pick up on some of their ways of talking or even repeat their catchphrases. This differs from straight copycat behavior, which comes across as creepy not hot, but the subtle form is practiced by all of us all the time. We start doing that as children to bond and fit in, and we continue doing it for all of time with people who were interested in charming. It builds a sort of familiarity. So if  you feel like you’re totally in step with someone conversationally, it might be because you both are interested in staying that way.

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