It’s great when two people in a relationship can explain exactly what they want and then have that peacefully match up, but as we all know things don’t always work quite so smoothly. Sometimes people don’t know quite what they want, sometimes they aren’t ready to explain what that is, and sometimes they’re just not that great at communicating. Here are some ways to read what she wants out of the relationship, by paying attention to some common behaviors that have totally different meanings.

1. She’s Asking a Lot of Questions that Relate to Values

When women are considering men as a candidate for a serious relationship they will take conversations in the direction of serious topics. We need to know what we’re working with as far as values, lifestyle, beliefs, interests, etc. If the date transitioned into the two of you discussing your thoughts about the proper way to raise children that could obviously mean that not only does that stuff matter to her but she is thinking about it in realistic ways. She wants to see where you stand on the matter.

If she’s not considering you as a serious candidate then she probably won’t be wasting her time getting into the serious life stuff. She doesn’t really care how you feel about family values because she knows that you won’t be in the picture when she reaches that point in her own life. Women get a reputation for being serious all the time but the fact is that there are plenty of reasons why a woman might want to be casual with someone. Maybe she’s keeping her options open and dating multiple people at once, maybe she got out of a breakup and is mostly looking for sex to distract herself.

If she’s not specifically explaining what she wants, definitely pay attention to the way that she’s getting to know you…or not.

2. She’s Suddenly Being Elusive

If a girl was acting like she was really into you and then she suddenly starts to get a lot more elusive, there’s one of two things happening. She’s either over it and is starting the pull back without leaving entirely, or she’s worried that you’re not into it enough and is trying to put out the mysterious vibe to get you wondering what she’s up to when she’s not with you. To tell which is which you usually need to make a move of your own and see how she responds.

If someone is being elusive because they’re pulling back, she won’t respond well if you suddenly try to spend more time with her or introduce her to your friends or something. If she’s putting on a show by being elusive she might remain super calm about taking things to the next level but she will be absolutely do it. This situation requires that she start paying attention to know for sure which direction it’s heading.

3. She’s Talking About Other Men a Lot

If a woman starts to talk about other men she is either testing you or putting you into the friend zone. The test might be to see whether you have any reaction from it. If it doesn’t bother you at all then she might come to the conclusion that you’re not that into her and start to pull back. It not that she wants you to be mad, but generally when people like someone it’s a little cringe worthy to discuss other people at all even if they’re exes from the way past.

On the other hand, she could not have any idea that she’s been doing this and is doing it simply because on some level she is responding to you as a friend more than anything else. Sometimes people don’t realize this for a minute while they’re dating. When you get along really well with a good looking someone of the opposite sex you might assume that it’s in a dating way, but then a little while later it can turn into something that feels more like a brother. She may not be at the point where she wants to break the news, so her behavior is getting ahead and doing a bit to make you wonder where you stand.

4. She’s Asking About Your Friends

There’s always some element of curiosity when you’re dating someone whether you’re super into them or not, but if she’s asking a lot of questions about your friends and acts like she’s interested in their lives, that’s because she’s interested in you. In a more casual situation it wouldn’t even cross her mind to ask what your friends are up to. She’s doing that because she wants you to know that she cares about your life and also that she would probably love to take things to the next step and actually meet those people for the first time.

This might be her way of hinting at that without coming out and asking if you’re ready to take that leap. Some people take the meeting friends thing to be a lot more serious than others so it’s always an interesting balance trying to figure out when it’s the right time for that. But if you think she might be interested then she probably is.

5. She Remembers and Follows Up On Things

If a woman is serious about you she will not only remember things that you tell her about your past and present, but she will also follow up on them when appropriate. She’ll remember that you had an important meeting, and she’ll also remember a story that you told her about your mom that has some relevance to the present day. She remembers and follows up on stuff because she thinks about you when she’s not with you.

If a woman is not that serious about you she might naturally remember stuff that you say but she isn’t going to spend a lot of time acting like she’s genuinely interested in hearing how things are going if you aren’t bringing them up.

6. She Opens Up About Her Life

If a woman is opening up about details of her life she might be trying to share more with you in an attempt to get closer. But if for some reason you feel like she has suddenly clammed up, it’s either because she has doubts or because she thinks you do. If a woman thinks that you’re pulling back or she doesn’t understand what your intentions are she might start to put up some walls to try and avoid getting too close to you, even if this is a misunderstanding. Those circumstances can usually be figured out pretty easily if you just talk about and see what’s up.

If a woman is opening up to you it means that she really trusts you, since we don’t tend to make ourselves overly vulnerable when it’s not necessary. Unless that is, that she is over sharing and telling you things that you’re not sure you should be hearing. For that reference back to number three where she’s talking about other men a lot. But for the most part, sharing her thoughts and feelings with you is a very good thing.

Do keep in mind that while trying to read into a situation can be helpful as you navigate along, if you’re ever really confused about what’s going on it’s usually a good idea to just simply ask and see what sort of an answer and reaction you get. Sometimes body language is easier to read than words alone anyway.

Kate Ferguson

Kate Ferguson is a Los Angeles local and freelance writer, who utilizes as much wit and personal anecdote as possible across a variety of genres. When she's not writing, the UC Davis graduate is focused on pursuits of the entertainment industry, spin class, and hot sauce. Keep up with her on her social media @KateFerg

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